cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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