i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
