I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
