gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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