okay pat passed out under dana's car
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
