i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
