am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
