I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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