I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
