That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
