the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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