I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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