Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
