you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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