My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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