My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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