I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
someone owes me an orgasm
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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