I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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