she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
