I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
