big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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