She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
