i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
