i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
