I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
