Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
