You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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