My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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