I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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