shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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