I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
