i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
