my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
