I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
