Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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