Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
