she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
