Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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