She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
