I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
