I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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