You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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