wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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