I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize