what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
