i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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