piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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