I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
