Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
