im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
